5 Months

WOW. I've known Brian for 5 months today. Pretty amazing. We celebrated last night with a lot of snuggle time and a ton of junk food. lol good times.

Wish i could write more, calc is currently kicking my arse.


Love,
-S

Move With Me?

I got home at 2 in the moring after hanging out with the crowd in downtown Palo Alto (the town Stanford University is in) and boy was I surprised by the nightlife there. I've never waited longer than I did for Cheesecake Factory last night, over an hour. Plus the half hour drive up 237 and 101, who knew there would be traffic? By the way, the pumpkin cheesecake tastes like whipped pumpkin pie filling. ew. But there was some real hotties and lots of teen and college age people on dates seated next to us. I love this town, even though Stanford is invaded by Asians, I wasn't surrounded by them downtown, which always makes me happy. It was a really good night, I basically drove a big circle around the south bay ate some good food and met some more of Brian's friends.

Today, I opened up Google reader and finished off 328 blog posts. Yes, really, 328, I should have screenshotted it. So there are some random comments on some posts and a few more to come that I haven't commented on yet.
____

Now to the point of this post. Yesterday afternoon while I was updating the firmware to my Nokia I decided to get a head start on my college applications. My transfer applications for the University of California system. Basically I'm almost done with my incarceration at community college so once again I get to fill out tons of forms and write personal statements and wait as my dreams get crushed (again). WOO HOO!

I'm pretty optimistic but it's very bittersweet because I went through this two years ago and I can't believe its already been that long. What happened to the time? I thought about how hard it was for me back then. It took me a long time to finish and it was a bit heartbreaking to get rejections and acceptances. But it was all very exciting to think that I was going to be a college student. Now the only reason I am excited is because it means the end to De Asia. I don't want to move. I like being at home because its comfortable and easy and private in a way that moving to a new place and sharing an apartment would never be.

When Brian and I got back to his place he asked me what I did all day. Cheesecake factory was too loud to hold a conversation. I told him about the college apps and he started to cry, weep, tears, fetal position and all. I was a bit puzzled but I held him anyways and asked him why he was cry. He said he was afriad I was going to leave him. I tired to reason with him and tell him it was ok and that it was a year away but he didn't seem to care, he just kept going until he snapped out of it and told me he would move with me. Then he asked me if he wanted me too. I gave him an honest answer. I wasn't sure right now and I probably wouldn't want him to uproot his life. I saw in his face that he was disappointed in that answer but he said he understood.

Now the question I am asking myself is, should I apply to more local colleges just as an option and take him into consideration? Or should I stick with my original plan of moving far away and seeing what happens with him?

I could honestly see myself doing either. I never want to be that person that bases their life around another person but it seems very hard when you are with that person to not consider them and have them shape your decision in some way.

I knew I wanted you the first time that I saw you walk by
That I need you forever when your eyes met mine
I loved you the first time I heard you speak my name
You'd be the beauty in my life, always
-S

4 Months

I was planning to blog last night, however Brian had different plans.
All is good right now. School is nonstop, I had 5 hours of sleep last night and I'm procrastinating a paper. How can life get better? lol

-S

Wine and Cheese

Last night Brian called me to tell me he was in my driveway. =)

As usual, he was starving so we went to Safeway. He bought wine, I bought cheese, crackers and meat. We went back to my house after that to: stuff our faces, drink a couple of bottles (sangria) and laugh our asses off to music of the 90's and watch him dance like a freak. HAHAHA.

He played on my computer while I tapped away on my iTouch.

I learned three things last night.
1. Getting drunk is half mental. I was laughing like an idiot after a bottle and dancing like a fool after two.
2. Wine, cheese, crackers, salami and chocolate chip coffee ice cream sandwiches is a really good meal and ooooh so classy.
3. The simplest things are the best.

So my question today is, what do couples do? I need ideas!

If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill
Say oh oh oh, say oh oh oh !
If you go left right up down
Make you spinning round and round
Say ooh oh oh oh, say ooh oh oh oh !
-S

San Francisco, Good Times.

Not everything was bad this week, I went to SF with Brian on Monday and Friends on Wednesday.

Monday: Brian came over early, when there was nobody home and we played around for 45 minutes... sans clothing. =) After that I drove us downtown and we had some food at a little Japanese restaurant, Gombei. The food was pretty good, it's always pretty good there, much like home cooking. After lunch, I drove us to Bart and we took it to Union Square in San Francisco. We shopped for a while but sadly we didn't find anything. Of course, Brian got hungry, so we went to Cheesecake Factory, the one on top of Macy's. Amazing view of Union Square and a really cute waiter.That little bird keep standing there the entire time we were there. You can see my dorky bf in the reflection of the glass making faces at it. We got back pretty late and he fell asleep on my bed.

Wednesday: Chinatown! This day was chaos. My friend James called me up and told me to meet them at school so that we could all go to SF. Well there was three drivers and two of them picked a random intersection in the middle of the city. My car got there first and we got pretty frustrated and just drove to Chinatown. After that we waited, and waited and waited for one of the other cars to get there. Then we had lunch at ABC Bakery Cafe. Pretty typical Chinese restaurant, busy and busy. Out of the entire group, I was the only one who could understand every conversation, it was a bit freaky and funny the things Chinese people talk about. Final stop in SF was Pier 39. Beautiful weather. Yes very touristy, all you smell is waffle cones, fish and doughnuts and of course the sea life.

I had a really good week despite the little drama of yesterday. I think in the month left I have decided to not care about anything. That's been my plan for the time that I've had off and will continue to do so. So to everyone out there, have fun, enjoy the awesome weather!

-S

Mother, you mean nothing to me.

One of the best days just turned into one of the worst. I wrote a much happier post that I was close to finishing but tonight's events were just enough to really piss me off.

Brian came over and we went to get yogurt and Applebee's and went back to my house for a couple of hours. I was having a really great night, just spending it with him surfing the net and just talking.

We had a bit of fun until I crashed onto the bed. Brian being the snuggle loving guy he is... crawled onto the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me. We talked until we both and I eventually fell asleep. At around 11:30 my mother starts pounding on the door to find out what we are doing, being half asleep at that point, I mumbled that we weren't doing anything and to just go away. She has this bad habit of butting in at the worst times. Instead of going away like a normal parent would, she stands outside my door in a nightgown, continues to pound on it, demanding in Chinese that I let her in to "talk" to Brian. Brian, who is completely confused at this point, scrambled to put his shirt and vest back on, while I continue to ignore her ridiculousness. I thought she would let up and give up but she continued, which got me angrier that she would embarrass herself and me in the process in front of one of my friends. And she wonders why I almost never have people over.

After a while I convinced her to go back into her room so that I could let a freaked out Brian go home. When I close the front door she came back out of her room and decided to start with me again. At the point of I was completely calm. I didn't do anything wrong or that I am ashamed of. I responded to her ridiculous accusations, assumptions, philosophies on life calmly, because that's how I handle things, I think and I reason. My mother, on the other hand refuses to listen to what people have to say. She is exactly the type of person where it goes in one ear and out the other. That is fine for some people, if they know what they are doing but for my mother, it defines her and our relationship. Things I say go in one ear and out the other. What she "believe" is the truth or what others say sticks.

For example, she screamed at me in Chinese all of these things to me: (more or less in this order)
"When someone comes over you have to introduce them to your parents so they get to know what type of person they are" - I already did this, she knows who he is but FORGETS, and by type of person she means, race, religion, school, and orientation. Status symbols.
"You lied to me about him staying over. You should always tell me the truth." - I will admit this wasn't my best decision but can you imagine the type of reaction she would have given me. Its always been the same, freak out at everything. A normal parent would be cool if someone stayed over or crashed, to my mother its an event, a fucking event that blown out of proportion. The truth is I lie to her about almost everything. In my mind she lost the right to know the real people in my life and what I choose to spend my time with. I tell her where I am basically but not exactly what I am doing or who I am with. Why? Because I don't feel like spending the better part of an hour explaining every detail of what I plan to be doing or trying to help her remember the names of my friends when she has meet every single one of them and if she actually tried to remember them by their names instead of "Vietnamese girl" or "tall boy. If you can do it for your elder son you can do it for me. If your not going to put that much effort into it, why the hell should I? A relationship works both ways, you get what you give.
"I saw his car parked out at the neighbors" - WTF? That you keep track of? Are you fucking kidding me. You are insane. You can't keep their names straight but you manage to keep track of what kinds of cars they drive?
"I'm looking out for you because you don't know what is best." - I think for the vast majority of parents this is true. Not so much for mine. Is it best to ignore your child? Is it best to push your child into a college he hates? Is it fair that I handle all the important tasks? Face it mother, the sooner you understand that you gave birth to me but you were a crappy parent who really had no part in raising me, the sooner we can return to an amicable relationship.
"A family is a man and a woman" - I refuse to have this conversation with her again. I consider my close friends family, and many of them are guys. I could care less. Gay couples can be as successful as a straight one when it comes to creating a family. Family is what you create not who the fuck you are related to.
"Are you dating him, who are you dating, are you dating another guy?" - Do you think I will honestly answer that. Most of my close friends only know I am going out with someone but nothing more, you will be the last to know. Its fucking personal and we are not that close.

I think I had a violent reaction to this because she didn't approach me in a reasonable way. Attacking me, my friend at 11:30 at night is never the way to go. Honestly if she had come up to me at a reasonable time then I would have had a real conversation but attacking me and a stranger is not ok with me. It crossed a line. Class it up mother. You always talk about manners and doing the proper thing, take your own advice sometime.

You ignored me for the better part of 18 years. Please do the same, I have no desire to waste my time working on a relationship that I only have to tolerate until I can leave and never come back. You talk about me having children and you helping to raise them. Guess what? I wouldn't let you near the children of my worst enemy. Its amazing I am not more screwed it. Its amazing that I don't drink, sleep around, get in trouble. Its really amazing that I've taught myself to have respect and dignity and class. Its fucking amazing that I haven't shot myself in the head.

___

I fully understand that this entire post will come off as the rant of a disrespectful, rebellious kid who is just angry because he didn't get his way. I would agree with you. The whole moral of the story is relationships do work both ways. As the child, I am done with always taking the higher ground and trying to work with them. It doesn't work, it never has, and I refuse to be told that I must always give in because I am the child. What I am saying is this relationship will never work because of the 18 years of unrepairable neglect. The only thing my mother has ever taught me is how to not treat any child and to always have respect for those that make others happy.

Brian makes me happy, therefore a good parent would appreciate him, not verbally attack him.

I'm sorry none of this makes sense. At this moment I'm just angry, embarassed, annoyed and sad that all of this has happened. It never ends with her. I'm tired.

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret
And I don't know if Im gonna make it
Nothing to do but lift my head
-S

I love you Brian

I finished reading a post by Call the Shots titled "love the one you're with" and I just wanted to say, I love you Brian. In these last two months you have made me experience, live and enjoy life and family (yours) in a new way. I love that you made me laugh, cry and smile all in the same day.

I really love that your mom cooks and you bring me food. HAHAHAHA. What can I say, my stomach is the key to my heart. Love you too mama K. I'll come over anytime for your cooking because we both know your son can't cook.

Happy 2 months! Congratulations for being able to purchase a new car! (Prius, which he dented the rim of while talking to me...)


Why do people smile when no one’s smiling?
Its coz their thinking of someone they’re loving...
-S